What Do I Do When.... He Is Not Over His Ex

​Navigating a romantic relationship is challenging enough, but when your partner still seems emotionally tied to their ex, it can bring confusion, insecurity, and frustration. Whether it’s lingering feelings, constant comparisons, or unresolved baggage, being with someone who isn’t fully emotionally available can take a toll on your relationship. So, what can you do in this situation?

Recognize the Signs

Before jumping to conclusions, assess whether he’s truly not over his ex. Here are some common signs:

• He frequently talks about his ex, whether positively or negatively.
• He keeps in touch with her in a way that seems excessive or inappropriate.
• He compares you to her or brings up past experiences often.
• He hasn’t fully let go of their shared belongings, photos, or mementos.
• He seems emotionally distant or hesitant about committing fully to your relationship.
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If you’re noticing multiple red flags, it’s worth addressing the issue directly.

Have an Honest Conversation

Communication is key in any relationship. Instead of assuming the worst, sit down and express your concerns calmly. Ask questions like:

• "I’ve noticed you talk about your ex a lot. Is there something still unresolved for you?"
• "Do you feel like you’ve fully healed from your past relationship?"
• "How do you see our relationship moving forward?"
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His responses will give you insight into whether he’s emotionally ready for a new relationship or still stuck in the past.

Set Healthy Boundaries

If he’s still in contact with his ex, it’s important to establish boundaries that make you feel secure. Ask yourself:

• Is their contact platonic and occasional, or is it interfering with our relationship?
• Are you comfortable with the level of communication they maintain?
• Does he respect your feelings and concerns about their connection?
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Express your needs clearly and ensure both of you are on the same page about what’s appropriate.

Give Him Space to Heal

If he acknowledges that he still has unresolved feelings, you may need to give him space to process them. This doesn’t mean waiting indefinitely, but it does mean recognizing that healing takes time. Consider whether you’re willing to be patient while he works through his emotions or if it’s healthier for you to step away.

Evaluate Your Own Needs

At the end of the day, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, secure, and prioritized. Ask yourself:

• Am I happy in this relationship as it stands?
• Do I feel like I’m competing with his past?
• Is he actively working to move forward, or is he stuck in a cycle?
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If you find that his unresolved past is consistently causing you distress, it may be time to reconsider whether this relationship is the right one for you.

Know When to Walk Away

If he’s unwilling or unable to move on, it might be in your best interest to step away from the relationship. Staying with someone who isn’t emotionally available can lead to long-term pain and dissatisfaction. You deserve a partner who is fully present and ready to build a future with you.

​Being with someone who isn’t over their ex can be a difficult and emotional experience, but it’s important to prioritize your own well-being. Have open conversations, set boundaries, and evaluate what you need in a relationship. If he’s genuinely working to move on, patience may be warranted. But if he’s stuck in the past, don’t be afraid to put yourself first and walk away. You deserve a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and secure.