Q&A Session: Twin Flames

I'd like to kick off my official Q&A Sessions with a topic that we hear a LOT about in the tarot community, and a topic that I get asked about at least once a week: Twin Flames. Keep reading for my thoughts on twin flames, and how you can submit your own question for a Q&A Session in the future.

How do I know if I should follow a reader's advice? I have a twin flame and I feel that our connection will lead us to a union but after a couple of readings, I feel defeated. They even acknowledge the connection but say the union isn't likely.        
                                                                                                                                 - Flameless in Flagstaff

Dear Flameless in Flagstaff - 

I try really hard not to impose my personal feelings on others, but this is a topic that really gets me going. First issue with your question is buying into the twin flame hoopla. Everyone complains about psychics/tarot readers being full of it, but sometimes it is the new age community as a whole that is the problem. The idea of twin flames is something that is fairly new on the scene, and it is the “it” thing right now. 

So what is a twin flame SUPPOSSED to be? There are dozens of sites out there, and mainstream magazines like Cosmo and Allure have all written articles about it. Twin flames are different then soul mates.. Some souls incarnate as two separate beings - one soul split into two bodies. When these souls—these twin flames—reunite, something bigger happens. Their relationship, allegedly, can shift the collective consciousness of the planet. Wow - pretty heady stuff right? Who WOULDN'T want a twin flame?
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Even if I subscribed to the idea of twin flames (which I don’t for a number of reasons) the planet has 7.5 BILLION people - do you know what the statistical odds are of you finding a “twin flame” near you at THIS point in time are?

Personally I have seen the twin flame idea be pretty dangerous, with people refusing to leave toxic relationships because they are so convinced that their partner is their twin flame. I once worked with a woman that was being BEATEN on a regular basis, but didn’t want to leave because some idiot told her once that this guy was her twin flame. The twin flame phenomenon is actually something that a lot of disreputable people will use to scam a person. This news article is a great example of that: 

Man pays more than $700,000 to fortuneteller

I worked with a person recently who was told by a psychic that this person she was seeing was her Twin Flame. She divorced her husband and set out to have the perfect Twin Flame relationship and it turned out he was NOT. She came to that conclusion herself but by then she had lost her husband and her children in the process. And now she struggles with feeling helpless and powerless. 

This twin flame nonsense sometimes can cost people their families, their money, or even their lives. The Twin Flame term has become synonymous to running and chasing, separation, suffering and so on, plus a lot of unhealthy and unrealistic expectations that make people want to label any ‘special’ or difficult relationship a ‘Twin Flame connection’ for all the wrong reasons. Leading to many people thinking they are in a Twin Flame connection when they are not. Nor do they need to be. It is a complete myth that Twin Flame love is the only perfect love in this world and that if you can’t be with your twin, your life will never be complete. What is also extremely common is to make the Twin Flame connection an excuse for unhealthy and dysfunctional love patterns on both side. Abuse, codependency and so on are all patterns.

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Nothing short of the Cinderella or Snow White tales, the myth would have you believe the twin flame relationship as the most fulfilling relationship on Earth, which comes with sacred sex, spiritual super powers and a happily ever after ending. Yet, in this twin flame community, they explain that there is usually a ‘runner’ in this reunion. They tell you the other person is scared or not ready. The worst part about this is the person who believes the other person is their twin flame will put up with all sorts of emotional and spiritual abuse from the person in question. They believe that if they are just patient enough and put up with enough bullshit the soul in question will return to them and the magic list of twin flame benefits will activate, basically fixing everything. And the cycle goes on and on with a never-ending search for this magical partner, delivering enlightenment. Here’s how it usually happens: we meet someone and instantly know it is significant. We – either on our own or with the help of a psychic reader – identify someone as one of these relationship categories – twin flame, soul mate or karmic relationship in our heads. We attach stories and expectations onto the person whose soul is so very familiar to us, and then we are upset when that person doesn’t want to participate at the depth we expect or vice versa. We or they choose to either wait around for the other person to have an awakening and continually put up with their abuse, hanging onto some small amount of hope that they will realize the relationship. Or, we jump from person to person, hoping this one will finally be it. Either way it becomes an addiction, a huge distraction from the soul’s journey and especially detrimental to the self-actualization process, should that be your choice in this life.

I get it, everyone wants to love and BE loved. But chasing after this idea is a lot like chasing a unicorn. You’ll get tired, discouraged and disappointed - and is that any way to live your life? Work to love yourself FIRST and the right person WILL come along. Someone that is not a “half” of a soul, but someone that is whole and fulfilled themselves. That is the only way you can have a relationship that is full and complete. Also, don’t make the mistake of letting your biological clock do all the talking for you - the right relationship can’t be rushed, and if you are devoting all your time to some mythic ideal, you are going to miss the right person.

I’m also pretty against the idea of a “soulmate” too, because that makes people feel like there is only one person in all the world that can ever make them happy, which is a load of baloney. I figure people tend to have a couple great loves in their lives. Maybe the first is your high school sweetheart, then as you get a little older you meet another great love, and then later in your life you find another…

When I was in high school I had a great love. He meant the world to me, and maybe if things had been different we would have ended up married. But life took us in separate directions after high school and we drifted apart. Later on in my early 20s I met a man that I was wild about, and who was really good to me and for me. We were together for over a decade, and have a beautiful daughter together. But time changes people, and by my early 30s we had grown apart. We divorced, but remain on really good terms. And finally I met the man I am with today.

​Ironically we had known each other’s families for years (small town living at it’s finest!) but we had never crossed paths. Until one day we happened to be working for the same company and hit it off. Now we are married with kids and I count my blessings every day for him. But it certainly isn’t a fairytale. We both have faults, and we both work hard EVERY SINGLE DAY to make things work. Some days are amazing, and other days we can hate each other’s faces. It’s part of having a relationship. If you aren’t willing to accept that a relationships takes two people, putting in the work every day, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

So at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if it is a psychic telling you this, or just some person on the street. Be realistic with your expectations, and stop chasing a fantasy. Understand what a healthy relationship should look like and know when to walk away otherwise all you are going to do is drive yourself crazy and make yourself miserable.

Love, real love, shouldn't be a constant struggle. If you are having to fight really hard to even get the ball moving, and the other person is not working towards the same goal as you then you need to walk away. Chasing someone who doesn't want to be with you isn't a sign of some epic love story, it's doing yourself a huge disservice. Make healthy choices about your partners, and know your worth. When you truly love yourself then the right person will be drawn to you.

I hope this helps, Flameless in Flagstaff. As much as readings for many of us are a business I know that I would rather see you save your money, or put it towards a reading that will help you to attract the right person, then to see you face disappointment over and over again.

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