The Worst Possible Outcome

​Reading the cards I like to convince myself that I can see most things coming, but at the end of the day life has a real twisted way of knocking you on your ass when you least expect it. What do you do when the cards tell you what you don't want to hear? 

When I first moved to the town where I would start third grade I felt like an outsider. Then this girl came up to me, introduced herself and the rest was history. We were as thick as thieves all through our school years, and then a little bit after that. Life has a way of getting in the way - but that didn't sever our connection. It got much harder of course when I moved 2500 miles away, but I still considered her a part of my extended family. So I felt helpless in January when her world got turned upside down.

Austin Colson, right, with his girlfriend Katie Grizzaffi. Photo credit: Katie Grizzaffi

​This young man, who was my friend's nephew, disappeared on January 11, 2018. He was a bright young man, who loved his girlfriend and his family. Early that morning he had decided to go out looking for scrap metal with a friend. And he never came home. Over the next couple of days friends and family searched frantically, knowing that he wasn't the type of kid to run away. No one had heard from him, and attempts to call his cell phone didn't work. Where could he have gone? 
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The trailer partially loaded with scrap metal was found 10 miles from his father's house. Photo credit: Vermont State Police

Nearly a week later, the trailer he had been using to collect scrap metal was found parked on a road some 10 miles from his father's house, partially covered in snow  - which told police that it had been there for several days. Searches were conducted, with everyone hoping to find him nearby, or at the very least some clue as to where he was. Nothing! Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months.

​Police questioned the man that he was planning to go out with on that day, but he claimed that he wasn't even in town when Austin disappeared. Police weren't so sure, and were able to arrest this man on gun charges unrelated to the crime. From there they were able to determine through his cell phone that he had been at the location where the trailer was found. A search of his internet history uncovered the search he had made of "how long does GSR (gunshot residue) last? Despite their efforts though they were unable to tie him conclusively to the crime.

​Weeks turned into months and there were still no answers. People went out searching every week, looking for any sign of Austin. They held out hope that they would find something that told them that he was still out there somewhere. They searched as well as they were able to in the snow. Austin's little sister was beside herself. She didn't sleep well, she cried often, and she took to carrying around a teddy bear that he had given her, complete with Austin's picture taped to it. All she wanted to know was when her brother was coming home. No one had the answers. We all began to fear that maybe those answers would never come.

​I sat at my desk one night with my tarot cards, and I asked them if they had any information on Austin. I drew the Death card. Now I know that the Death card RARELY means actual death, but sometimes it does. It made me uncomfortable, so I put the deck away. Later that same night a news article came out in which his mother stated that she felt that this was now a search for a body, and that all she wanted to know was where her boy was so that they could lay him to rest. Still there was no sign of him or any of the belongings that he had with him that day.

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​We all continued to hope for the best, but we were preparing ourselves for the worst. A couple more times I picked up my deck, and each time the answer was the same. It didn't matter which deck I used - that white face stared up at me every single time. Finally I made the choice not to consult the tarot about it anymore. Instead I followed the news from back home closely, wishing that I was there to offer support to the family, maybe even to go search alongside them. I spread the word as the man they suspected was released to a rehab facility instead of having to go to jail. I was outraged alongside the rest of them as he was then released from rehab early. I even had to watch members of my own family support this man simply because he went to the same church. Every time I heard them say that Jesus would lead us to the answers I got angry. Angry because I knew in my heart that this man knew something, and he sat there perverting the Lord in order to gain sympathy. It made me want to vomit.
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The barn in Norwich where the remains were found Photo credit WCAX TV

​The worst was yet to come though, and none of us were really prepared for it - no matter how much we thought we were. With the snow gone and the weather getting better search crews were back out in force. Among the places that they were planning to look where places where the suspect was known to have access to as a caretaker. One property in particular had been searched, but searchers hadn't gone into the barn because it wasn't in the best of shape. It was here that Vermont State Police found and removed human remains. In a state of shock mixed with relief, we all waited anxiously for the results of the autopsy. Were we finally going to get the answers that we needed?
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And last night, the news came - the remains were that of Austin Colson. And just like that he was gone. And this time, really gone. Gone were his dreams of owning his own business, traveling, being with his girlfriend, and having kids. His whole future, wiped out by the actions of someone who gets to walk free - at least for the time being. This morning I pulled a card, just to see what they had to say. The response was oddly fitting: 
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​We will get justice for Austin and his family. It is only a matter of time now. But in the meantime, please consider joining me and many others by contributing to the GoFund Me campaign to help pay for his funeral expenses. Click below to donate.
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Funeral Expenses for Austin